I think this Substack account I created was the last shred of businesswoman left in me.
I came to this platform with the idea to marry my business acumen with my experience as a SAHM. I still held the belief that my value was based in business sense, not motherhood. That people would care about my managerial experience, the teams I built, the marketing campaigns I ran, and that motherhood would be the sprinkles on top.
As it turns out, those are some of my worst performing posts and notes.
What people actually seem to resonate with is my voice in motherhood, my observations. The humanness of motherhood, the humor and the loneliness in the chaos. The things I almost didn’t write because I wasn’t sure they counted as content.
I started this Substack between Christmas and New Years with myself, my husband and my mom as my only subscribers. Six-ish months later, this post is to say a big “thank you!” to the community of over 550 subscribers, and the many more followers and fellow writers that I interact with here on a weekly basis, for giving me the confidence to see that there is value in writing about being “mom”.
I know I’ll still post about business adjacent thoughts from time to time. It was my life for longer than I’ve been a mom or wife or anything else. But I no longer feel the need to lead with it in order to feel like what I am saying is worth reading.
So for anyone else who needs to hear it too: your value is not stored in your former title, your LinkedIn headline or the career you paused or left behind. It is in YOUR voice, your own observations about the specific, ridiculous, sacred season of life you are living right now this second. Write your truth, if for no one else, for yourself.
Motherhood doesn’t just benefit our children, it changes us at our core and, if we let it, spits back out a more honest, capable, vulnerable woman on the other side. There is so much we can all gain from reading someone else’s journey through to that other side. I learn so much from other women on this platform, particularly those who are farther along on the motherhood continuum than I am.
I only know what I’ve experienced up to this point – how to be a SAHM to a 0-3.5 year old boy. Receiving comments about how my writing has helped some moms who are now where I was a few years ago does something to my soul that I can’t quite explain. I’m an eldest sister, so I think any time I’m given a pat on the back for big sisterly things, my heart flutters. But more than that, it makes me feel connected to a special community of women who can sometimes get swept under the rug.
People like to talk about SAHM’s. It stirs up nostalgia in some, holds up a mirror and can light a fire of angst or preconceived notions in others. But we’re just moms, doing our very best to figure out a life that has no guardrails, no manager, no quarterly check in, no performance review, and no onboarding docs. It can be overwhelming in the way that any parenthood experience can be. These little people who we love more than anything else in the world are in our care 24/7. The overwhelming desire to “get it right” drives heaps of micro decision making all day long and can leave us depleted with nothing left to give by bedtime. I’m sure this is not an exclusive SAHM experience, but a reality of parenthood. One slight difference, SAHMs don’t have built in systems to reflect, collaborate or disassociate from that parental overwhelm for a bit. Well, we do have nap time, sometimes. But if you’re able to say to yourself “I have to go to the bathroom” and then get up, walk calmly to the bathroom, do your thang, wash your hands and walk back to your desk… you are not living the same existence as a SAHM to a young child.
I’ve been told repeatedly over the course of my SAHM experience, by people I love, trust and respect, “I could never do that”, “I need to use my brain”, “I need adult interaction”, “what you’re doing is so much work”, “hardest job in the world”.
I never know whether to be insulted or proud. And I don’t know that I necessarily agree with the sentiment of that last bit either.
Life is hard. No one way of living is better, worse, easier, harder. It’s all just different.
Going to work and watching your baby take their first steps on the daycare monitor – heartbreaking.
Being a single parent and not having a partner to lean on – relentless.
Unexplained infertility preventing you from reaching the experience of motherhood – devastating.
Cleaning up messes all day behind a tiny tornado while simultaneously trying to keep them from injuring themselves or others- exhausting.
There is no escaping that you’ll encounter your own version of hard regardless of what your life or title looks like outside of motherhood.
Being a human is hard work.
Being a mother to a human is a profoundly spiritual experience.
There are simply no words for the feeling you get when a piece of your heart runs at you yelling “mama” to give you a big hug and slobbery kiss. No amount of parental hard will ever out weigh parental joy.
I’ve sort of lost the plot here in my ramblings… but it all comes back to this:
There is inherent value in motherhood, value in our experiences, value in who we are as women now and not just the before of it all.
Thank you for reading, thank you for extending me the gift that is pieces and parts of your attention (and your inbox), thank you for helping to make this community of writers one of the most thought-provoking corners of the internet.
Here are a few of my favorite reads the past few weeks, all written by brilliant moms I’ve grown to admire that I would have never crossed paths with if not for Substack.
The Parent Who Notices Everything - And Trusts None of It by Dr Priya Raj of Think Soup
I Had a Phone Full of Answers and No Reason to Sit With the Question by Courtney McGee of What, Like It’s Hard?
What I’m Doing Instead of Scrolling This Summer by Jo of Your Precious Seconds
You are more than the sum of an algorithm by Lacie | big bad whoop
We Might Be Teaching Kids to Be Anxious by Laura Dimler, PhD of Development Decoded
What have you learned about yourself from writing on Substack that has surprised you?
Also, pretty please drop some of your favorite writers and articles in the comments below.
Housekeeping note – that post I promised over a month ago about all things travel with littles… she’s coming and she’s hefty. I just can’t bring myself to pay attention long enough to put the finishing touches on, but she’ll be in your inbox soon.
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TTC or Struggling with Pregnancy Loss? I have a second publication, just for us:
It’s so hard to not feel “less than” in a world that values status, job titles, salaries. The reminder that everything is hard, no matter the choice, is a good reminder that the grass isn’t always greener. Beautiful post!
Hello from another SAHM of a 3.5-year-old. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and I can relate to so much of what you say. I caught myself a while ago saying "I am just a SAHM" when someone asked me what I do and then I felt annoyed for kind of minimising it. I work so much harder than I did when I had a "real job" and I'm so proud of what my work.
And you're right about the value in all the different experiences of motherhood. I think that's why we're so drawn to reading about other people's pregnancies, labour stories, motherhood observations etc